


My Reasons Why

by JustA_R3ader



Category: 13 Reasons Why (TV)
Genre: Justin Foley Needs a Hug, Justin Foley deserves better
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-08
Updated: 2020-07-08
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:40:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25153330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JustA_R3ader/pseuds/JustA_R3ader
Summary: Hey, guys. Yeah, its Justin doing one of those tapes as a last goodbye. I know it’s not very original, but it’s the best way I could really say goodbye to all of you. So here it goes:
Comments: 5
Kudos: 20





	My Reasons Why

**Author's Note:**

> I tried my best to write in Justin's voice, but I'm too used to writing my own stories, so please show a little grace if the voice of the story sounds off.

“Hey, guys. Yeah, its Justin doing one of those tapes as a last goodbye. I know it’s not very original, but it’s the best way I could really say goodbye to all of you. So here it goes: Clay, Mr. and Mrs. Jensen, Tony, Tyler, Ani, Alex, Charlie, Zach, and Jess. You guys are my 10 reasons. My 9 reasons for why I want to live and why the life that I have lived was worth anything. Not all of you have held a great love for me and I haven’t always been the biggest fan either. But with either one of you, my life would have been worth nothing. So thank you, thank you for giving this white-trash, junkie who has nothing and is nothing a purpose. Thank you guys for all of this and for never giving up on me.  
When I was younger I didn’t really have anyone looking out for me, my mom was always in and out high or with her shitty boyfriends. I learned early that if I wanted something I would have to get it myself. I also learned at that age that the world isn’t kind to those without money, it is just going to keep pounding you down, over and over again and all you can do is just get back up every single time. It's just like you said Jess, ‘I’m a survivor’ I have fought so hard every step of the way because that is the only thing I could do. The only power I’ve ever had is over myself and then I lost myself to the drugs. I should have known when I took that first hit that it would take over my life just as it did my mom’s. But then I met the Jensens and my reason to fight came back and I wanted control again. Man, I failed so many times doing that too, but rehab happened, and college admissions and graduation was just ahead and I fought harder through a relapse. I thought I was finally going to win. But, I guess this time, the world has won.  
I’m guessing that you guys are wondering why I haven’t talked or mentioned my time being homeless yet. Man, it such a fucking hard time to talk about ok. I spent five months doing whatever the hell I could to keep alive and get a hit. That means I did anything, which yes, includes selling my body to others. I’m not proud of it, not at all. A lot of the times I wasted the cash I earned on drugs and would then use whatever I could for food and water. I was so desperate and helpless, I couldn’t hope to get any leg up in the world. I could barely sleep most of the time, in fear of being stolen from, getting attacked, or taken advantage of. I learned all of those the hard way at first. It was hell on earth guys, and I never wanted any of you to know how bad it got for me. Some of you had already witnessed me doing drugs or detoxing from them that I didn’t want you to see how low I actually could get. I guess you could say that this whole situation is my fault and my fault alone. I let my pride get in the way of me living and of you guys living without the guilt, I’m sure you guys will think you should feel about my death.  
Yes, I know I’m going to die and the only way I can deal with this now is head-on. I never really thought I would live past 30. Many kids who grew up like I did don’t make it past that age. I just thought the cause would be an OD. I never thought that any of this could be an option. There’s only so much time we have to live so let me get to the point.  
Ani, thank you so much for coming into this shitty school and this shitty situation, deciding to fight for us all. Especially for Clay and Jess, thank you for being their warrior. Tyler, thank you for reminding us all to enjoy every moment in life and for that amazing exhibit you put on at Monet’s.  
Tony, thank you for always fighting for us no matter the consequences for yourself. You have been such a great friend to Clay and to all of us. Charlie, I wasn’t so sure about you when you first showed up, but thank you so much for your support and willingness to be all of our support in the hardest of times, especially to Alex.  
Now Alex, I know we don’t share a lot of love between us two, but I have always wanted to thank you for saving my life that one time in Clay's room. Man, you have no idea how much your caring has meant to me, no matter the bad blood between us two. I really hope you find your happiness someday. Zach, man, you have been one of my best friends for years and I am so sorry I couldn’t have helped you more when your dad died. But I just want to let you know that I have always loved you and I know that even though you have done your best to ruin it, you have such a bright future ahead of you. So just go and do it, without the drugs and without the drinking.  
Mr. and Mrs. Jensen, sorry, I mean Matt and Lainie, you guys have shown me what a home really looks like. You have shown me love and trust is really like. Thank you so much for allowing me to live in your house and become your son. I will always be proud to be considered a part of your family and for showing me what it is like to be in a family.  
Jess, I am so sorry, so sorry for fucking ruining your life. You never deserved to get raped by Bryce or being stuck with me as your boyfriend. Jess, you deserve the world and you deserve to live your life without a junkie like me holding you back. You can achieve anything and you are strong enough to fight for it. I’m so sorry we didn’t have enough time, but I am so happy that you will now be free without me. I love you so much.  
That brings me to you Clay, my brother. You have changed my life for the better man. Because of you, I have known what it is like to have a roof over my head and a loving family. There is nothing I could do or say to cover how much you have meant to me. Thank you man, for everything, for being there through the rough times and the fun times. I’m so sorry that we don’t get to go through college together, but I know that you will fucking kill it.  
Thank you, everyone, for being my reasons for wanting to live, thanks for showing me what it is like to live. All I can ask of you now is to live for me."

**Author's Note:**

> I never actually meant to post a story on here, but watching Youtube videos, searching for more Justin Foley stories, and binge-writing at 4 am led me to write this piece. I think this is all I will write about this story unless anybody else wants more. I hope you enjoyed this, I might find myself writing something else in this universe.


End file.
